Was The Pain All Worth It?

I thank God everyday for having us cross paths.

A path in which we learned how to grow apart from each other. 

We weren’t capable of loving each other when we didn’t know how to love ourselves.

Fighting through the pain everyday made me love myself less. 

My confidence shot down and I said hello to Satan. 

My heart was on fire while you were having the time of your life.

I didn’t realize how much I could hate myself,

I didn’t realize how much it would effect me,

I didn’t realize I kept losing myself the more I tried. 

I would look into your eyes and hope you would look into mine and see my pain.

I was afraid to express how I felt

It was always all about you and how you felt

Seeing you walk past me on days when you didn’t want to communicate broke me.

I went through the pain alone.

I felt weak, as if I was being crushed in-between two walls. 

Two walls you sat behind, smiling with someone else. 

Knowing I couldn’t make you happy hurt me the most. 

I tried and tried but my best wasn’t good enough. 

I wanted things to get better with us. 

It didn’t work out and you left without a word. 

I finally got time to sit and think 

Was all the pain worth it?

Why did I ever let you hurt me in silence ?

I had nothing to say

I prayed and prayed hoping you’d come back to me 

You never did but that’s okay. 

I grew to love myself, day by day

I felt free

I felt different.

I felt like I could take a deep breath without the feeling of hot breath flowing on the back of my neck 

I finally realized I needed to be broken in order to be fixed. 

I picked my crown back up and felt like I could carry the world on my shoulders

Jamie Mendez

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