I want to be Her

I want to be Her
The girl i let other people see
She's loud
Even though the real me is quiet 
She makes jokes and She is tough skinned
The real me always lets people's words get to me
She allows people who are kind to her be her friend 
The real me is always skeptical of people
She dresses in traditional skinny jeans and She's not afraid to wear skirts 
The real me wears baggy clothes that make it easy for my gender to be mistaken
She laughs at all jokes 
The real me makes the occasional joke
She protects people from others
While the real me is too shy to stand up for some people
She's always smiling with her friends
While the people the real me knows have such a hard time remembering my name everytime they talk to me
She's the glue in all of her friendships 
The real me is nothing but a background character to other people's lives
She is never sad
The real me is always sad 
She doesn't cry simply because She doesn't have a reason
The real me fakes a smile for the people i love
She's productive 
The real me can't get out of bed some mornings, not even to brush my teeth
But She makes everyone around her proud
The real me can't even remember the last time someone told me they were proud of me
The line of who i am and what i let people see begins to fade
Who are you?
Who am i?